So... On my way to the first post of my blog... But the question was, "What should I post, yaar? Why are people gonna read my stuff?" Well, here's why, because you're probably as jobless as I am and maybe you stay up all night on the internet with no actual reason at all. Well, if you do and you have semesters approaching, then Hola amigo! Yeah, trust me, I know how it feels to meet someone who has no idea what he's doing with his life other than dreaming about making things happen. Whoa whoa, sounds like we're getting introduced here! I love it, making new friends. Well hi, I am Sam (I can hear you guys saying "yeah we know your name, moron", but still, just a touch of formality). What's your name? Huh? Speak louder please? Oops, I forgot, I'm not Dora the explorer. Sorry, my bad. So what are we gonna talk about today... Hmm... Let's think... Okay, being a literature student, I might talk to you guys about some literary stuff.. Naw, don't look so sad. Like I said, my semesters are around the corner. And you guys know how cruel semesters are. So, I'm gonna take revenge on revenge tragedy drama from our syllabus. *Demonic laughter* Ha! Take that, Thomas Kyd(the author)
So, today we're ruining "The Spanish Tragedy"... A drama of the revenge tragedy genre and a perfect bedtime story for slam-death metal fans. The drama opens with a prologue.. You guys know what a prologue is, right? In the prologue we find the ghost of Andrea (the regular heartbroken good dead guy, yes GUY. Andrea is a man. Oh I'm sorry, did I just assume his gender?? Ahem, back to the story). We find Andrea, chilling with his homeboy "Revenge" (the name of another ghost. Don't look surprised by such names, Chris Brown named his daughter Loyalty), and telling us how Prosperine in Hades has promised him revenge against his slayer (no, not the band. Andrea's slayer). The slayer is the Portuguese prince... Wait for it... Not Cristiano Ronaldo. No burn intended. The slayer is the Portuguese prince Balthazar, who killed Andrea in a battle. Now that shouldn't produce enough hard feelings for a ghost to plan revenge. Tf, Andrea, take it easy man.. But no, he's terribly butthurt. Because? Enter, the foxy lady of our story.... Bell-Imperia( no that's not a continental dish, it's her name. Yes, WITH the hyphen)... Daughter of the Duke of Castile. She's daddy's good girl with of course, a bitch sister, named Lorenzo ( they did take "did you just assume my gender from my name?" to the next level).. Bell-Imperia was the beloved of the dead guy, Andrea. But we find Horatio, Andrea's buddy seducing Bell-Imperia and whoa, look at that, she's liking it, damn! Horatio, you lucky sonovabitch, bet she calls you "Daddy".. Horatio was the son of Hieronimo (yeah, swallow all these names, and feel my pain!). Balthazar was now an honorable prisoner in Spain, and guess what? He's also in love with Bell-Imperia. Dude, she must be something! Pure Spanish beauty, whoo baby!! So, Balthazar and Lorenzo (the bitch sister) grow suspicious of Bell-Imperia and Horatio's budding romance. In the meantime, Spain and Portugal sign a peace treaty which requires Bell-Imperia and Balthazar to marry (a treaty named "grab'en by the peace") . Balthazar and Lorenzo together go to the arbor one night where Horatio was giving it hard to Bell-Imperia and they were both high on the feeling (with Kehlani's "gangsta" being played in the background) and... They stab Horatio, and leave Bell-Imperia, because "that booty precious"! Hieronimo, Horatio's dad goes ape-shit crazy "couldn't you mofos kill my child silently?? I'll slay them bitches who woke me up in the middle of the night and I shit you not, mufuggas!!" So Hieronimo, a master planner that he was, plans to avenge the death of his son... Through a drama. Yes, drama. Like, he hates subtlety. He wants it all black metal style. Hieronimo was a "Mayhem" fan of course. So, in the drama, everyone takes part, and in the storyline, the character portrayed by Hieronimo kills the character played by Lorenzo and the character played by Bell-Imperia slays the character played by Balthazar. I know, this entire planning is stupid and unrealistic on many levels, like, how could Lorenzo and Balthazar agree, on acting in aplay with their enemies, that too where their characters are killed by the characters played by their enemies. Dude, ever heard of the word suspicion? Anyway, they succeeded on killing Lorenzo and Balthazar for real and then there was a scene where Bell-Imperia's character was supposed to commit suicide. Bell went an extra mile and killed herself for real. Hieronimo went "Lol stupid bish,tf you doin'? Hey, hey, that wasn't part of the plan! Oh you died for real? K, lol" When everyone finally got what happened, they captivated Hieronimo, and asked him about his further plan... Idk how there can be anymore further plan, their enemies are dead, but no! There is, and Hieronimo won't talk about it. Fair enough. No, that wasn't enough exhibition of his loyalty towards Spain, he bit his tongue off. This guy has serious mental disorders, I'm telling you. The Duke of Castile (now he's changed his team, he rolls with the Portuguese hood now, sneaky sonovabitch) tells Hieronimo to write about it. Hieronimo asks for a knife to mend his own before writing and he's given a knife and then, of course, he stabs Duke of Castile and then himself. Yeah, you guessed it, Hieronimo was born when the Flash accidentally fucked Deadpool, goddammit Barry... Well, that's ruined Spanish Tragedy for you, but wait, wasn't it ruined already? Anyway, it's the weirdest story you'll ever come across and if too much blood and grotesque killings give you a hard on, then this is the perfect bedtime story for you... Well, that's all folks! Stay with me and we'll talk about weirder shit next time! Till then, see ya!
So, today we're ruining "The Spanish Tragedy"... A drama of the revenge tragedy genre and a perfect bedtime story for slam-death metal fans. The drama opens with a prologue.. You guys know what a prologue is, right? In the prologue we find the ghost of Andrea (the regular heartbroken good dead guy, yes GUY. Andrea is a man. Oh I'm sorry, did I just assume his gender?? Ahem, back to the story). We find Andrea, chilling with his homeboy "Revenge" (the name of another ghost. Don't look surprised by such names, Chris Brown named his daughter Loyalty), and telling us how Prosperine in Hades has promised him revenge against his slayer (no, not the band. Andrea's slayer). The slayer is the Portuguese prince... Wait for it... Not Cristiano Ronaldo. No burn intended. The slayer is the Portuguese prince Balthazar, who killed Andrea in a battle. Now that shouldn't produce enough hard feelings for a ghost to plan revenge. Tf, Andrea, take it easy man.. But no, he's terribly butthurt. Because? Enter, the foxy lady of our story.... Bell-Imperia( no that's not a continental dish, it's her name. Yes, WITH the hyphen)... Daughter of the Duke of Castile. She's daddy's good girl with of course, a bitch sister, named Lorenzo ( they did take "did you just assume my gender from my name?" to the next level).. Bell-Imperia was the beloved of the dead guy, Andrea. But we find Horatio, Andrea's buddy seducing Bell-Imperia and whoa, look at that, she's liking it, damn! Horatio, you lucky sonovabitch, bet she calls you "Daddy".. Horatio was the son of Hieronimo (yeah, swallow all these names, and feel my pain!). Balthazar was now an honorable prisoner in Spain, and guess what? He's also in love with Bell-Imperia. Dude, she must be something! Pure Spanish beauty, whoo baby!! So, Balthazar and Lorenzo (the bitch sister) grow suspicious of Bell-Imperia and Horatio's budding romance. In the meantime, Spain and Portugal sign a peace treaty which requires Bell-Imperia and Balthazar to marry (a treaty named "grab'en by the peace") . Balthazar and Lorenzo together go to the arbor one night where Horatio was giving it hard to Bell-Imperia and they were both high on the feeling (with Kehlani's "gangsta" being played in the background) and... They stab Horatio, and leave Bell-Imperia, because "that booty precious"! Hieronimo, Horatio's dad goes ape-shit crazy "couldn't you mofos kill my child silently?? I'll slay them bitches who woke me up in the middle of the night and I shit you not, mufuggas!!" So Hieronimo, a master planner that he was, plans to avenge the death of his son... Through a drama. Yes, drama. Like, he hates subtlety. He wants it all black metal style. Hieronimo was a "Mayhem" fan of course. So, in the drama, everyone takes part, and in the storyline, the character portrayed by Hieronimo kills the character played by Lorenzo and the character played by Bell-Imperia slays the character played by Balthazar. I know, this entire planning is stupid and unrealistic on many levels, like, how could Lorenzo and Balthazar agree, on acting in aplay with their enemies, that too where their characters are killed by the characters played by their enemies. Dude, ever heard of the word suspicion? Anyway, they succeeded on killing Lorenzo and Balthazar for real and then there was a scene where Bell-Imperia's character was supposed to commit suicide. Bell went an extra mile and killed herself for real. Hieronimo went "Lol stupid bish,tf you doin'? Hey, hey, that wasn't part of the plan! Oh you died for real? K, lol" When everyone finally got what happened, they captivated Hieronimo, and asked him about his further plan... Idk how there can be anymore further plan, their enemies are dead, but no! There is, and Hieronimo won't talk about it. Fair enough. No, that wasn't enough exhibition of his loyalty towards Spain, he bit his tongue off. This guy has serious mental disorders, I'm telling you. The Duke of Castile (now he's changed his team, he rolls with the Portuguese hood now, sneaky sonovabitch) tells Hieronimo to write about it. Hieronimo asks for a knife to mend his own before writing and he's given a knife and then, of course, he stabs Duke of Castile and then himself. Yeah, you guessed it, Hieronimo was born when the Flash accidentally fucked Deadpool, goddammit Barry... Well, that's ruined Spanish Tragedy for you, but wait, wasn't it ruined already? Anyway, it's the weirdest story you'll ever come across and if too much blood and grotesque killings give you a hard on, then this is the perfect bedtime story for you... Well, that's all folks! Stay with me and we'll talk about weirder shit next time! Till then, see ya!
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